The U.S of A: Home of the Brave, Land of the Free(dom). Whether you love us or hate us, there are some things to keep in mind while visiting the great nation of America. Remember, people: we don’t start wars, we end them. That’s how it goes, right? (Doesn’t matter, we have more army than you.) To help yourself blend in better and avoid suspicion among the world’s most proud people, here are some things to avoid doing around Americans:
Tell us we can’t supersize it
We Americans have mastered the art of large portions. Did you know that 7-11’s Double Big Gulp holds more than twice the amount of liquid as the human stomach? Now that’s what we call freedom!
Say you don’t like football
Unless of course you’re talking about that silly European kind. In America, you have to love football. Even college football. Even high school football! If preschool football were a thing, you’d never be allowed to miss a game. “Clear eyes, full diapers.”
Try to take away our guns
Don’t try to ban firearms from your family-friendly restaurant unless you want a whole bunch of guns up in it, ‘cause we’ll protest. We can eat that free bread and sip our tap water while stroking our barrel and glaring at the hostess all day long. Just try us.